God sometimes I hate my life! Perhaps I'm just being too harsh. It's a beautiful day and I should be happy. I am worried about stuff. So worried. My eldest son is moody and a real problem. He is difficult and he's only six! I'm worried about where his problems stem from. I live with my parents and my two small sons. When I moved out before I had my kids I was SO depressed. I think the deep depression was a side effect of living with my parents. I couldn't wait to get out. I feel like I'm being nasty though because they are my parents after all. And now I'm back here again! Only this time I have my babies in tow! I have been worried for them for months. My dad can be scary. He shouts a lot and is very forceful about stuff. I'm scared of him! But I'm stuck here. This house is not a healthy environment for my children. Too much stress and anger and shouting goes on. If we (the adults) let our anger get the better of ourselves how are we going to teach my sons to take it easy? Perhaps none of this is making sense. My boys lack a good male rolemodel. My dad is not good enough for that. I think he has anger issues personally. He always loses his temper over anything and he has to be right all the time. I don't like the way my boys get manhandled when they don't behave. My mum smacks them and I don't like that at all. Sometimes she smacks them across the head. It really upsets me! My eldest son goes off on one when something doesn't go his way. He shouts and screams and throws things if there is something to hand and occasionally kicks out or scratches. I am starting to have problems getting him into school now! It is a good school and everyone there is really nice and he gets on well. I think he's happy there. Suddenly I can't get him throught the front gate. I don't know what to do. I want to leave my parents house more than anything but I feel trapped. It probably sounds daft cause I'm an adult and everything. It's complicated. I'm just so depressed about all this! When things didn't work out with my ex I came back here but what a big mistake that was! Maybe that's why I went back to him, I see him as some kind of doorway out of here. We are going away in my parents caravan in a few weeks (me, my boys and my parents) What fun that will be! I just need to go to a happy place now.
Please feel free to leave me advice comments or opinions or whatever. I could use some.
Thanks for listening x
This is a diary, the online public kind. Anything you read here either involves me somehow or is something I care about.
1 comment:
hmm sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment.
have you talked to your BF about it? does he have the same anger issues? if he doesn't then you have your boys' good male role model right there.
what your parents are doing is bordering on child abuse and should be stopped. quickly. you need to put your own feelings of guilt to one side and do what's best for the children.
my opinion/advice to you is to try and work at the relationship you have with your ex/bf/whatever. maybe he can be the "doorway out" you are looking for. at the very least he can listen to your problems and be there to talk to. you sound so lonely and confused, at least you have someone who cares about you.
maybe the holiday will do you good, maybe you need some time out to relax.
keep safe. [hug]
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