Failure Is Not An Option

I was right about why I failed the medical. I got a letter from the force doctor confirming what I thought, later that same week. I can wait two years and apply again. Providing that I have no need to receive anti depressants or depression related counciling at any time during the next couple of years. I will certainly do that. I intend to apply again in the future, assuming that my feeling about joining up remain the same. I just hope conditions in the force have improved a little by then. Lol. But I won't hold out any great hopes.

My Interview

Thanks for your support guys. It means a lot. But I have some bad news. I got a phone call from my local police station yesterday afternoon, a few hours before I was due to sit the interview. She told me that they'd been notified that I failed my medical, so they can't proceed with the interview. I was disappointed to say the least. I have a suspicion that I failed due to my history of depression. I am waiting on some kind of confirmation from occupational health about why I failed. I hope I'm not waiting in vain. I was under the impression that I passed all the tests at the medical. The doctor wanted to get a statement from my doctor about my history of depression. The woman I spoke to on the phone yesterday suggested that I wait six months and try again if I want to re apply. I will certainly do that. I am not put off by any means. I'm just sad that I failed due to my past. Assuming I am right about why I failed, of course!
I'm still determined to get into that job though. I'll just give it time and try again.

Today

It's friday again. I have an interview this coming tuesday to get into the force as a special. I can't believe how long this is taking. The first interview I blew cause my nerves got the better of me and I couldn't function. Another one was set up cause I got lucky and have not blown my chances completely. But I got sick and was too ill to attend, so it was rearranged again. I hope I will make it this time. I know I can do it. At least in my minds eye I see myself sitting through the interview and being fine and passing it. IRL is a different matter though. I was just a little intimidated having to sit with two uniformed officers. Not only that but high ranking ones too! Ever since I can remember I have felt a little scared/intimidated by police in uniform. I am not so much so now than I was as a kid. Which is good. I never had good reason for those feelings either. I have never been in trouble with the police or anything. And strangely I have always wanted to be one also. So here I go. I'm trying to become one. My mum thinks I am not cut out for this job though and said she hopes I don't get in. That does wonders for my feelings, as you can imagine. But I'm not going to give up on this for any reason like that. If I make it, I make it. If they say I'm not right for it, that's fine too. I'll move on and look in a different direction. Mum could be right, but there is only one way to find out for sure. I belive I can handle the job and I am perfectly capable of doing it. I just need to make the interview. I'm going to try to keep my nerves in check this time. I will be fine. I will get back to you after the interview.