Wednesday, November 28, 2007

It's official, I have anger problems!

Okay, something happened this morning and it has left me boiling with fury, like a frothing kettle. There is this woman whose head I would LOVE to cave in! Seriously!
Let me start at the beginning...........
I went into my local shop with my three year old son after collecting him from preschool. I was getting stamps and something tasty for him. I went to the counter to ask for some stamps and told him to go and pick something. He brought a little chocolate bar up and placed it on the counter. The cashier told him to put it back, thinking he wasn't allowed anything and he did. I didn't say anything for a moment as I was stunned by this. When he was over by the sweeties after returning the bar I told him it was okay and to get something. So he brought a different thing up to the till and began to cry. I hugged him and began to feel angry at the woman. I went back to the sweetie display to get the thing he had chosen first and he followed me to say that he wanted his second choice, still crying. So I bought the box of candy stick he picked second and my stamps and left. All the way home I was boiling with fury. I wanted to go back in that shop and shout at her, call her insulting names and kick up a fuss. Maybe even punch her. I had the urge to vandalise parked cars that my sons and I walked past on the way home, just to vent my fury. But I held it in. I definately have anger issues! Some of you might say I don't cause I have the strength to hold it in and not act on my anger. But what happens when the day comes and something happens where I can no longer contain it and lash out? Where will I be then?
Don't answer that. I can imagine where I'd be. It concerns me that something so trivial can get me so worked up. I guess everyone has theri triggers. In fact, I am still a little bit pissed off right now. But I will cool down soon enought I guess. Just so long as I don't go back in that shop later, when I collect my older son from school.......

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I'm still here!

I have no idea if anyone has even been reading my posts. I have been pretty busy the last couple of months and don't have much to report really. I passed the interview stage of my specials application. I have a medical in a couple of weeks and should hear about the training course, due to begin sometime in february.

I have spent my spare time plugging away at my story. And I'm not sure that I have written anything of much worth. I want my stories to be really good. And I want people to read them and think 'wow, yeah that's excellant!' But until I can read them without noticing the faults and inconsistencies I am too nervous to show them to anybody else. Should anyone even care enough to read them and give me their opinions! I am scared of failure. My stories are very personal to me and mean a lot. (As you can probably tell!) I'd love to get something published one day, but am such a perfectionist when it comes to my writing! And I probably need to be, especially if I am attempting to become some kind of proffesional writer. Writing good stories is actually very challenging and difficult. I guess that's part of the appeal for me. And besides, if it were that easy everybody would be doing it!

I didn't mean to spend so long rambling on about my writing. And I realise that I sound very appologetic in my discussion back there.

I'll see you again soon. (I hope!)